Capitalism: A Lesson in Human Nature

I love capitalism. I love capitalism as much as Michael Moore loves capitalism, enough to make another documentary out of it if I had the time and funding. To me, there is nothing quite like the sweet feeling one gets when the upper class clamps down on the proletariat through unregulated big business and authoritarianism. No thinking, just one nation under a god that certainly isn't worth worshiping, even if he exists. No regards to freedom and justice, despite what the conservative façade says, and no escape. You have the freedom to agree with the ideas given, and that is it.

Capitalism lets me take unfair advantage of any individual for my personal gain, and the best thing is the government cannot stop me. In fact, they suppress any struggle from the oppressed, through their Nineteen Eighty Four-esque social policies. They attack their enemies through lies; they call the opposition godless, spineless, immoral and hell-bent on evil. Capitalism lets me change history in order to support the blind nationalism I want, the worship of me and my god that is required to live in the country. I can criminalize anything I want, from sex to science to liberalism, because it is the age of the individual, survival of the fittest without any regard to the populace itself, which evolution effects. It is me against the world, and I am winning mercilessly. I can shun unfavorable groups to anywhere I want, corrupt society’s thought process to perpetually agree with me. I have absolute power, but this time, it doesn't corrupt absolutely; after all, I have been forgiven from my sins.

Nothing is impossible for me, for I rewrite the laws of science at will in order for them to agree with my silly and inaccurate world view. I can gloat about my conquests on the street corner, in Congress, in the middle of a police station, for I have control. I can chose to operate under a shadow, like the Federal Reserve does, or out in the open, because it is my choice, and no one else’s. Humans are horrible, but I am better than everyone else, therefore they deserve this. Even if my religion does not catch on, my reign will still last forever, for I have nothing to atone for, not that I do already. I shape morality however I want for my own purposes. Ayn Rand and Newt Gingrich would be proud of me.

Absolute power, no control, mindless brainwashing, severe inequality.

Isn't capitalism great?

If you know the artist of this piece, let me know so I can give proper attribution.

Disclaimer:

**This piece is satirical. I do not love capitalism**